


Cotton Cheeks

by memefucker69



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blind Character, Dyslexia, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memefucker69/pseuds/memefucker69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo hasn't been able to see since he was nine, but he's always been able to feel.<br/>Sometimes he wishes that was taken from him as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

Kyungsoo’s favorite thing in the whole world was the cotton blanket he’d gotten from his grandmother when he turned three. It was soft and oh-so warm. He liked to rub it against his cheeks and smell the overbearing scent of his grandmother’s super old perfume. It had a silky lining around it that felt nice between his fingertips, and it kept him warm up in his big room that always seemed to have a draft. Kyungsoo would wrap himself up in it and imagine he was ancient monk or have a maid tie it around his neck to pretend to be a superhero as he ran around the house.

But his favorite game to play with his blanket was to drape it over his bed posts like a tent and invite Seungsoo to lie underneath the blanket with him. They pretended that it was their little fort. Kyungsoo was the prince who ordered Seungsoo to do all of his wishes, such as slaying the dragon or finding his princess. Sometimes they invited Jinri over to pretend to be the princess and her brother, Chanyeol, was the fierce dragon that protected her.

Kyungsoo brought that little cotton blanket around with him wherever he went. No matter how many stains it got, one of the house maids were always sure to wash it with the upmost care. His mother pestered him many times that he should just throw it away because the silk edge was nearly ripped all the way off and there were some holes, but Kyungsoo didn’t care because it was just as soft. And the nights where he would hear his parents shouting angrily at each other, he’d rub the blanket against his cheek to soothe him to sleep and dry his tears.

It was a little after Kyungsoo turned nine that his parents agreed on visiting his grandparents for a week for some stress relief. Kyungsoo couldn’t be happier, unable to remember the last time he’d even seen his grandmother. He remembered climbing into the car, cotton blanket in his hands. He remembered playing I Spy with Seungsoo, and he was just about to guess it was a tree when his mother suddenly screamed and the screeching of tires sounded before a sickening crunch—

—and everything went black. Permanently.

A terrible accident, they had said, a five-car accident that left nearly all terribly injured and four dead—one being Seungsoo. But he wasn’t the only thing the Do’s had lost. The doctors had diagnosed that sometime Kyungsoo had hit his head critically and damaged an optical nerve severely, but they spoke as if it was a miracle Kyungsoo hadn’t had any further brain damage. They were able to save Kyungsoo’s life but the same couldn’t be said for the boy’s sight.

Kyungsoo was easily prone to panic attacks for the longest time when he slept and woke up and found it difficult to adjust to everyday life without being able to see. But nothing was compared to the loneliness that wracked his soul. With Seungsoo gone, Kyungsoo’s father had no suitable heir to his thriving business and with their family being rather high up and well-known, having a blind son was now a stain to their prestigious household.

As a result, Kyungsoo was pulled from the academy he was enrolled in and given a home tutor that could teach him braille and a caretaker who could look after him when he was alone at the house. His caretaker, Jinki, was helpful for the first few years, but Kyungsoo just found it burdensome once he got used to his new life. He hated being treated like a baby who couldn’t use the bathroom on his own. His parents also ignored him, brushing him off whenever he approached and ignoring his very presence. Kyungsoo wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, even outside of the house, and he wasn’t allowed to have friends anymore. Jinri and Chanyeol had long since stopped asking to hang out with him. Kyungsoo didn’t blame them. There wasn’t much to do with him being blind, and the fact that Seungsoo was gone just casted a dark shadow over the three of them.

It was the winter before Kyungsoo was to start high school that he finally put his foot down. He demanded to be let into an actual high school, one that would provide for his needs and “handicap”. Kyungsoo didn’t give up his pleading until his parents finally gave in, saying that Jinki would take him to and from school and his tutor, Hyunsik, would still help him with homework and making sure that his needs for learning in a normal environment were met.

Being nearly six years since Kyungsoo had been in a public institution and even around other people his age, it was natural that he didn’t fit in. Other students took advantage of his blindness, teasing him and sliding the desks together when Kyungsoo was out of the room so that he would bump into them when trying to get back to his own seat or tripping him in the hallways and causing him to drop his books with no one to help him. They would call him names behind his back because apparently being blind equated to being deaf as well. Most of them were aimed at how he looked.

He’s ugly because his “eyes are creepily wide”.

He’s ugly because he has “fat lips”.

He’s ugly because he’s “short and chubby”.

Kyungsoo had no way of proving their statements true or false. He hadn’t seen his face in such a long time that it was hard to picture, even remember at all, and it had to have changed since he’d lost his sight. And by touching his face he was never sure. If everyone was saying it, it had to be true. No wonder his parents didn’t care anymore, no wonder no one wanted to be his friend. He was ugly, stupid, and blind.

And as this dreaded realization occurred, that’s when Kyungsoo became known as the “Ice Prince” his final year in high school. Puberty had served him well, erasing the baby fat from the rest of his body and successfully slimming him out by making him just a tad bit taller. His popularity didn’t grow, but he was a silent beauty to the rest of the school.

Kyungsoo stopped putting his trust in others and stop depending on his parents for everything. He fired Hyunsik and downgraded Jinki to just being his driver. He did everything he could to be independent and stay in the shadows amongst his classmates. Of course, being blind, he still stuck out like a sore thumb, but he wasn’t picked on anymore.

But the word still echoed in his mind— _ugly_.


	2. one

“You know what’s really ridiculous?”

Jongin sighed, focusing on pushing the cart filled with fiction novels. “Why must you bother me every day when I’m working, Sehun?” Maneuvering around the few round tables scattered amongst the right side of the library, he picked up the pace to avoid the other man who was following behind him.

“Okay, first of all, irrelevant. You’re just putting books away. I’m here to relieve you from your boredom,” Sehun replied with a scrutinizing gaze. “Second, what’s ridiculous is that I did what you said to ‘woo’ Yixing,” he made quotation marks in the air with his fingers, “and it completely failed. Therefore, you owe me an apology.”

“I never told you to ‘woo’ him!” Jongin whispered in a desperate tone. “The guy is like twenty-six! I told you to leave it alone!” He nearly avoided bumping into the bookcase as he parked the cart. “Why am I always the one you ask about your weird crushes? Plus, I’m socially inept. I’m the worst person to come to about relationships and shit. Go ask Luhan about your weird…thing with our dance teacher.”

“Oh, wait—shit, fuck, it was Luhan that told me to do that,” Sehun realized, letting out a laugh and patting his friend on the shoulder. “My bad, Jongin, but you still need to apologize. The chemistry between Yixing and I is _real_.”

“Just because someone looks at you, touches you platonically, and compliments you does  _not_  mean they’re in love with you,” Jongin scoffed, taking a moment to stare at the decimal code of the novel in his hands before decoding it and moving down the shelf. He was used to this sort of ridiculousness from Sehun. His friend had always been in love with the idea of being in love. Despite his cold exterior, Sehun was in fact quite mushy and at least 70% teenage girl. “He’s twenty-six, Sehun. I’m sure he isn’t interested in dating someone seven years younger than him.”

“Seven years isn’t that big of a difference!” Sehun persisted, leaning against the shelf.

“He’s our teacher. He’d be risking his career dating you.” When Sehun opened his mouth to disagree, Jongin sighed again and cut him off. “Look, I’m not saying you don’t have a chance, okay? I’m just trying to look out for you.”

Sehun seemed to debate arguing some more before sagging his shoulders in defeat. “Alright, you win this round, Kim.” He quickly straightened up with a smug smile as if he was proud of himself. “I did have a real reason for coming here! Do you have books on cell reproduction and the works?”

“What the fuck, you still haven’t written that paper for Biology?”

“Precisely,”

“…Go look in the catalogue on one of the computers. Now stop distracting me, it’s hard to focus and read these when you’re talking to me,” Jongin huffed, returning to his work and putting the books in their right place. It was already getting late, and he was working till closing, which was pretty much until the last person left. Once he was finished sorting all the books, Jongin made his way back to the counter where Sehun was waiting patiently, book in hand and ready to check it out. With a sigh, Jongin checked it out under his own name because Sehun still hadn’t bought a library card and probably never would.

“Are you going somewhere after this?” Jongin asked, stamping the inside of the book before handing it to his friend.

“Yeah, I’m gonna hang out at Luhan and Minseok’s for a bit,” Sehun answered, staring warily at the boring and wordy book in his hands. He could just finish the whole paper and pull an all-nighter, yeah.

“Oh, cool, just let me close up, and I’ll tag along,” Jongin said, beginning to clear up the desk before Sehun stopped him.

“There’s still someone here though,” the brunet said with a confused look.

“There is?” Jongin furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember if he saw anyone come in. “It must have been when I fell asleep…”

“Sleeping on the job?” Sehun snorted. “You can just come over once the guy leaves. He’s on the second floor. I saw him when I went to get this thing. He looks like he’s probably a high school kid or something. Just tell him to shoo or something. We’re gonna marathon  _One Piece_.”

Being the biggest  _One Piece_  fanboy of them all—even surpassing Junmyeon of all people—Jongin cursed. He couldn’t miss it. The first episodes were his favorite. “Shit, I’ll be there in a bit, okay?”

“I’ll try to stall them or something because I’m nice,” Sehun gave a wave before exiting out the double doors and into the cold winter air. Jongin instantly walked around the desk and headed towards the carpeted staircase that led to the upper floor of the library, where most of the study space and computers were.

As he reached the top step, Jongin could see a figure sitting at one of the round tables alone with their back turned to him. As to not interrupt their reading, he approached quietly, peering over their shoulder and blinking in surprise. The boy, as it looked, was reading a novel, tracing his fingers across the paper, but instead of words there were just lines of dots arranged in different patterns—braille? The library did offer a small section devoted to books translated to braille, but Jongin had never seen someone actually read one. So the boy was blind?

“I’m blind, not deaf, you know,” a soft voice spoke up, interrupting Jongin’s thoughts. The boy seated at the table huffed, placing his book down and slumping in his chair, still not facing Jongin. His voice jumpstarted Jongin’s heart, reminding him of smooth chocolate and the blond figured that the boy was someone usually soft-spoken and quiet.

“B-But I didn’t even say—“

“You’re breathing really heavily,” the raven-haired boy paused, “and you sound like a herd of elephants coming up the stairs.”

His ego wounded, Jongin puffed out his cheeks. “I-I do not.”

“Yeah, okay,” came his reply, picking up his novel once more and beginning to trace his thin, pale fingers across the bumps in the parchment. “If you’re gonna breathe, do it downstairs or don’t breathe at all.”

Well, this certainly wasn’t going in the direction he wanted it to. Anymore of this and Jongin wouldn’t ever get to closing time. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. All he had to do was be nice, and the boy would be out of his hair. Moving over, Jongin took a seat at the table, beside the blind boy, nearly doing a double take at his face.

A word to describe the boy: adorable. His face was just as pale as his hands and his skin soft and angelic looking. His eyes were doe-like and irises dark to the point of nearly being black. They weren’t focused on particularly anything either. The boy’s lips were pink and plush as well, and Jongin had a hard time keeping himself from just staring.

“Um, s-so, uh, what are you reading?” he asked as a conversation starter.

“Why does it matter to you?” The other male deadpanned, turning the page in his book and continuing to read. “I thought I told you to leave me alone.”

“Okay, listen here, kid,” Jongin gritted his teeth, having realize a gentle approach would get him nowhere, “I have things to do, places to go, and you—“

“How old are you?” The boy interrupted, his fingers pausing on the page.

“What?” the library employee paused. “I-I’m nineteen.”

Jongin watched as a smug grin broke out on the boy’s face, lips forming into a slight heart shape. A snort escaped him before he cleared up Jongin’s confusion at his sudden humor. “I guess you should refer to me as ‘hyung’,  _kid_.”

No way. There was no fucking way this guy was  _older_  than him. “H-How old are you?!” Jongin sputtered.

“Twenty-two,” he flashed another grin.

“…You’re a liar.”

The boy—or rather  _man_ —scoffed before his hand trailed down his body, searching for a pocket in his black coat before dipping his fingers inside and producing a small wallet, also black. He opened it before pulling out the card beneath the plastic cover—his ID.

_Do Kyungsoo_

_DOB: 1-12-1993_

“You’re not the first person to mistake me for being younger than I am,” Kyungsoo spoke up, holding out his hand for the ID before sliding it back into his wallet. “I’m short and pale, I know. So I’ve been told, at least.”

“That’s not a bad thing, at least.”

“I know,”

It fell silent between them, and once Kyungsoo realized Jongin was out of words, he returned to tracing his fingers over the pages and reading. Jongin studied how the other man went slowly as he read, pausing in some places and speeding up in others, just like how someone would normally read. He’d never seen anyone actually read braille before, and it was kind of interesting how those little bumps could relay immense information on their reader. And then he realized he’d been so caught up in Kyungsoo’s age that he forgot to introduce himself.

“Jongin,” he said suddenly, “Kim Jongin. Uh, that’s my name, I mean.”

“Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo replied without a pause in his reading.

“I…I think it’s really cool how you read,” Jongin blurted without thought, cheeks turning crimson the minute realized what he said. “I-I didn’t mean that to belittle you! I meant that…Well, I have dyslexia, so reading isn’t easy for me.”

“Yet you work in a library?” The older male snorted.

Jongin had been job searching for a while before he decided to apply at the library. Luckily, it was an easy job of just managing the front desk and putting books in their proper place. The only thing he couldn’t do was give out recommendations. Sometimes the numbers in the decimal system would get mixed up in his head but it was nothing compared to the difficulty he had reading a book. “It’s not too hard. I don’t actually read. I just manage the checkout counter and put books away.”

“You’re strange,” Kyungsoo remarked with a tiny smile.

A warm feeling swaddled Jongin’s heart, and he couldn’t help but return the smile with one of his own. “I’ll take that as a c-compliment.” He was glad that Kyungsoo couldn’t see how red his face was or how he fidgeted with his hands beneath the table, looking down in his lap with a lopsided grin.

“Kyungsoo!” A voice suddenly called from the lower floor before feet thudding up the steps sounded.

“Ah,” the blind man sat up, folding the corner of his page before closing his book. He got to his feet just as a man appeared at the top of the stairs, about the same height as Kyungsoo with expertly-styled black hair, eyeliner, and what looked like designer clothing. “I’m coming, hold on,” Kyungsoo mumbled, grabbing his walking cane as he tucked his novel under his arm. “Bye, Jongin,” he excuse himself briefly before making his way over to the man waiting for him.

“See you later,” Jongin said with a smile though he was sad that Kyungsoo was already leaving. He eyed the stranger with a curious gaze. He was really good-looking, flawless even, and dressed like a model. Maybe he was one. Jongin figured he must be Kyungsoo’s friend, but as he saw the man reach down and hold Kyungsoo’s hand with a caring smile as the went down the staircase, he realized  _oh_.

Kyungsoo had a boyfriend.

Jongin wasn’t too sure why he was feeling jealous. He barely knew Kyungsoo and probably just embarrassed himself with his terrible social skills.

 

It was only four days later, on his morning shift in the library, that Jongin looked up to see Kyungsoo walking in through the double doors, the cold winter air swimming into the already drafty room. He tried to wipe the frown on his face as he realized the older man wasn’t alone, the same guy from the other day—his  _boyfriend_ —holding the door open for him. Jongin barely recognized him because he wasn’t wearing any makeup this time and wasn’t dressed so stylishly.

Jongin watched as the guy squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand once. “I’ll come back around two-ish. Kris only needs me for one photo shoot. We have one together at four too.” A photoshoot? Was he really a model? Was Kyungsoo one too?

Kyungsoo huffed and aimed to stab the guy in the foot with his walking stick but managed to whack his shin instead. “Stop talking to me like I’m kid or something that you’re dropping off at a daycare. Go already or you’ll be late.”

He whined but then let out a grin. “You’re so mean. See you later then, Kyungsoo.” With a wave, he headed back out into the cold, letting out a shiver as he did so.

Jongin saw Kyungsoo let out a sigh before making his way towards the steps that weren’t far from the entrance. He thought for a second about helping him, but he realized that Kyungsoo had no trouble. Kyungsoo seemed like the independent type, that he didn’t want help and didn’t like to be belittled. Plus, he probably knew what he was doing. With that in mind, he waited until Kyungsoo was on the upper floor to follow him, making sure to check out a little girl and her mother at the desk beforehand.

Climbing the staircase a little too eagerly, Jongin grinned at the sight of Kyungsoo sitting at the same spot with the same novel in his hands. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been waiting enthusiastically for Kyungsoo to return to the library. Anytime someone would walk in, he’d jolt up in hopes of it being the older man. His boss, Jonghyun, had snickered at him the time he’d knocked his head into a bookshelf with the doors opened.

“Kyungsoo-hyung?” he said softly as he approached.

“Jongin, right?” Kyungsoo answered, and Jongin took that as his invitation to sit down, this time next to Kyungsoo rather than across from him.

He smiled happily. “You remembered!”

“Of course, no one else breathes that loudly,” the raven-haired man deadpanned. “Do you not exercise or something?”

“Yes, I’ll have you know I’m a dancer and pursuing a career in that field,” Jongin crossed his arms. It had been his dream since he was seven, and he’d been through many classes and performances since. He was currently preparing for an audition into a large entertainment company and could only hope he’d make it.

“An idol?” Kyungsoo asked in a curious tone.

“That’s my end goal,” he grinned proudly before his expression turned serious. He felt like maybe he was meddling into Kyungsoo’s privacy, but he needed to know. “Um, can I ask—who was that that you came in with?”

“Into the library?” Kyungsoo’s features turned puzzled, most likely wondering why Jongin was asking. “He’s my friend, Baekhyun. He drives me here when I have free time and when he has to work. Then he picks me up when he’s done. It’s kind of childish but convenient. We’re roommates and work together, so we’re pretty close…” he trailed off. “Why’d you ask?”

Friends. They were just friends.

“Oh, well,” Jongin quickly thought up an excuse, “he looked like a model the other day so I was just wondering, haha…” He thought it was a pretty convincing lie, but Kyungsoo managed to see right through him.

“Did you think he was my boyfriend?” Kyungsoo offered a smug grin. “That’s cute. He’s not though, and he is a model—both of us are, but Baekhyun does it more often than me. He is single and has a thing for guys younger than him, so you can try hitting him up later.” He snorted.

“Oh,” Jongin said blankly. Kyungsoo  _was_ , in fact, a model and thought he was interested in his friend not himself. Well, it was better than him figuring out that Jongin was harboring a small, little crush for him. And then he realized, fuck, this was his chance. He could knock it out of the park and hint at his interest without completely revealing it. Gulping, Jongin spoke up. “What…about you? Do you have a thing for  _younger guys_?”

A look of surprise flickered on Kyungsoo’s face before his face fell into a normal expression of nonchalance. “No,” he replied.

But Jongin still had to try.

“Um…” Jongin’s hands slid down to grab the hem of his sweater nervously, twisting it between his fingers. “Hyung, do you want to…go get lunch with me at the café next door…? O-Or I can go get something and bring it here. I mean, there’s a restriction on eating and drinking here, but Jonghyun-hyung lets me eat in here, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. He’s a nice guy and—“

“I don’t date,” Kyungsoo cut him off coldly, knuckles turning white as he gripped the book in his hands tightly and his expression wavering.

“I-It’s not a date!” He was quick to attempt to mend the situation. “I was just hungry and all and since I overheard that you were staying until two, I’d figure you’d like some lunch too—as friends. That’s all I meant.” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Sure it’s not,” Kyungsoo responded, reaching up to fix his dark bangs, “but I am hungry. We can walk over there. It’s not a problem for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo those reading this on aff weren't hinted at there being a dyslexic character, but i put it in the tags at ao3. honestly, i hadn't planned for jongin to be dyslexic but it just popped in my brain and i fell in love with it. as usual, i didn't plan any of this fic because im lazy. also, i know this isn't that long but hopefully it'll get you interested. this fic might turn out longer than i planned otl i have too many ideas.  
> all the titles of the chapters are gonna come from it's cold by epik high because it was part of the prompt and it fits the story.  
> including baek in another fic......................my thirst cannot be tamed  
> give kudos, bookmark, comment! thank you c:


	3. two

The silence between them was thickening with every second. Jongin munched on his grilled cheese with worry, staring at Kyungsoo, who was sipping a vanilla latte and still reading his novel, already having finished his cinnamon raisin bagel. He’d invited his hyung in hope that they would get closer in a more public environment, but it didn’t seem any different. And Jongin was still down about the fact that Kyungsoo could seem so nice but act so cold to him in the next moment. But he didn’t blame Kyungsoo for not wanting to date. He probably had his reasons.

He thought back to how Kyungsoo looked when he said “I don’t date”. There had been almost a strike of fear in his eyes, and Jongin was almost scared to know what that meant or what had caused it. It made him realize how little he knew about Kyungsoo.

“Um, hyung, by what you told me earlier, you are a model?” he asked casually.

“Yeah, I do some here and there. Usually photographers get annoyed with me; I can’t focus my eyes to a certain place, and I’m second place to everyone. I just use the money for food and stuff. I don’t do much as it is,” he shrugged.

Jongin wanted to argue with the second place bit but decided against it. “So is reading your hobby?”

“Not really,” Kyungsoo frowned, “more like just a way…to pass time.” He laughed dryly. He closed his eyes, eyelashes casting small shadows onto his pale cheeks. Kyungsoo let out a sigh before opening them again. Jongin briefly wondered if blind people even needed to blink. “I live a rather boring, uninteresting life as it is. People wonder if things are interesting for me because I’m blind, and I have to live just a little bit differently. But really because I’m blind, life is less…fulfilling than people who can see. They can do more than I can, experience things on a whole other level.”

“But, hyung,” Jongin spoke up, staring at his plate as he voiced his opinion, “don’t you experience things differently too? I mean, I don’t know if it’s true, but your other senses are more intense, right? Plus, you get to immerse yourself in cool novels and stuff, something I can’t do. Sure you might do it differently, but it’s still the same. Plus, you’re a model. I think that’s interesting on its own.” His voice wavered a bit as he spoke. Jongin was never good with words and usually he said something on accident and pissed someone off. He didn’t dare look up, not wanting to see Kyungsoo angry at him.

“…Thank you.”

“Huh?” Jongin snapped his head up to see Kyungsoo smiling faintly. His heart warmed at the sight, and he could see how Kyungsoo’s fingers curled around the paperback cover of his novel and how his cheeks were tinted pink.

“I-I’m not gonna repeat it,” the older man mumbled, going back to reading.

Jongin grinned dopily, hands twisting in his lap with the rush of emotions through his veins. Kyungsoo was too cute for his own good, for Jongin’s own good. “You’re…welcome.”

He could see the tug of Kyungsoo’s lips into a small smile, and it was like another dose of happiness was injected into Jongin’s veins. He finally understood how those girls in the cheesy romance movies felt when they got butterflies in their tummies.

“Ah,” Kyungsoo suddenly said lifelessly.

“What?”

“You breathe loudly when you get excited,” he pointed out, “like a puppy.”

Jongin’s face turned tomato red, pressing his lips together in hope that it wasn’t true. “I-I do not!” he defended.

“Woof, woof,” Kyungsoo murmured with that stupid smirk.

“Hy- _ung_!” Jongin whined though he couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face. He huffed, puffing out his cheeks in annoyance and slumping back in his chair as Kyungsoo took a sip of his latte.

He relaxed as Kyungsoo seemed to let go of his ongoing joke of Jongin’s breathing. And Jongin took that chance to speak. “Hey, hyung, is it okay if I ask about you being blind? I mean, you don’t have to tell me, I’m just curious.”

“You’re not the first person to ask me that. I’m not really sensitive about it anymore, so you can ask whatever you want,” he held up a finger in pause, “as long as it’s not incredibly stupid, like ‘how do you know when to stop wiping your ass when using the bathroom’.”

Jongin stifled his laughter. “S-Someone asked you that before?”

“Sadly,” Kyungsoo nodded grimly as if recalling a bitter memory.

“Um, well,” he backtracked in his mind to his burning questions. “Do you ever like ask other people what they look like or wonder about it?”

“Of course I wonder,” Kyungsoo answered swiftly, having closed his book and now paying full attention to Jongin, much to the latter’s delight. “I never really ask though. I prefer to leave bias out. Plus, I don’t trust that people will tell the truth. You wouldn’t come out and say you were ugly, would you?”

“Makes sense,” Jongin played with the napkin on the table, “do you want to know what I look like?”

There was a prolonged pause of silence before Kyungsoo replied. “No,” he said.

“Why not?” he blinked, surprised.

“I want to get to know you before I get too close,” the blind male said in a way that left no more room for questioning.

 

They did get closer. As days rolled by, Kyungsoo started visiting the library more often—well, more often in the shifts that Jongin was working. It made the younger male incredibly giddy. He started to disregard his library duties in favor of sitting with his new friend. Normally, he’d get in trouble for it, but Jonghyun had hired some new high school kid named Taeyong, so he left all the work at the checkout desk to him. Taeyong didn’t seem to mind, so Jongin didn’t see the problem with it.

And, after begging and begging, Kyungsoo reluctantly gave into the blond’s wishes of wanting to listen to him read aloud. So their usual table was replaced with the comfy couch in the corner, away from all the other visitors.

With how Kyungsoo read—fingers to paper—Jongin figured that he would be a slow reader. Not to put down the older man’s intelligence, but he just thought it to be hard to translate everything in his head and then spit it out into words. To his surprise, however, Kyungsoo was a smooth, swift reader. He paused at the right parts and gave life to the text that was mere indentions in paper. His voice was quiet but just loud enough for only Jongin to hear, like Kyungsoo’s voice was meant only for him.

There were even some days where the librarian actually fell asleep to the smooth tone of the other man’s voice, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, tired from dance practice and his studies. Kyungsoo would always complain about it, but he never shook Jongin awake or anything, just let him sleep.

He also found that Kyungsoo was actually scarcely into modeling. After that one day, Kyungsoo never had to leave to go to a shoot. It was always just Baekhyun strolling in to drive him home. After three months of hanging around the blind man, Jongin actually realized he knew nothing about Kyungsoo. He was all sorts of open to him about his past, but Kyungsoo never opened up to him—about his friends, family, childhood, anything.

Kyungsoo liked to read. Kyungsoo was twenty-three. Kyungsoo was blind. Kyungsoo had a friend named Baekhyun, who was a model. That was all Jongin knew.

As he laid his head in Kyungsoo’s lap, the elder reading to him as usual, Jongin interrupted him with his worries. “Hyung, I feel like you know everything about me, but I know nothing about you.” He reached up to pry the book from Kyungsoo’s small, pale hands.

Kyungsoo frowned, as he did when Jongin asked a rather personal question. “I already told you that there isn’t anything remarkable about me.”

“I don’t think so,” he replied, reaching up to softly grab one of Kyungsoo’s hands, feeling small and dainty like a daisy between his calloused fingers. “I think you’re one of a kind, hyung. I want to know everything there is to know.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you,” Jongin answered with a grin.

“Jongin, I already told you. I don’t feel that way about you.”

“I know,” the blond allowed his hand to slip away, resting on his chest. He closed his eyes peacefully. “I’m going to hope though. I want to melt my icy hyung.” Jongin peeked open an eye just in time to see the telltale spreading color on Kyungsoo’s cheeks. He found the other man’s cheeks to be the most expressive area of his features. While you could usually see someone’s emotions in their eyes, Jongin had grown to telling Kyungsoo apart with his cheeks, the way the blood rushed just beneath the skin to color his otherwise pastel canvas.

“See? You’re blushing.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo reached down to punch Jongin in the collarbone, eliciting a harsh wince.

“Tell me things, hyung, I’m serious.” Jongin frowned, desperately trying to avoid being shut out again. “I don’t care if you think you’re boring. I want to know.”

The raven-haired male was quiet for a moment, fingertips pausing on the skin of Jongin’s neck before withdrawing his touch entirely. When he finally spoke, it was soft and slightly fearful. “What…What do you want to know?”

In all honesty, Kyungsoo didn’t want to think about himself. He didn’t like reflecting on himself as a person or digging up those memories he tried to keep hidden deep within. Thinking meant feeling and feeling meant he couldn’t keep up his walls. But with Jongin…

Kyungsoo realized there was something different about Jongin that made him feel like he wasn’t himself. And it scared him.

Noticing Kyungsoo’s uncomfortable tone in his voice, the librarian sat up, moving from Kyungsoo’s lap to sit next to him. “How about just one thing a day, and if I ask about something you don’t want to talk about, you don’t have to answer?”

The older male gave a nod.

Jongin put a bit of thought into his only question, a grin illuminating his features as he finally thought of one. “Have you ever danced before, hyung?”

“…What kind of a question is that?”

“It’s a legitimate question!”

“No, I haven’t. If I have, it was probably back when I could see,” Kyungsoo sincerely replied.

“So you weren’t born…blind?”

“One question per day, Jongin.”

“Fine,” the younger man pouted, “anyways, I was gonna say—“

“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun suddenly appeared at the top of the staircase, looking as stylish as he always did when picking Kyungsoo up from the library. His coal eyes locked with Jongin’s, and he smiled. “Oh, hey, Jongin.”

Over the three month period, Jongin had gotten to know Baekhyun well enough to say that he was an okay guy. Feelings between Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were completely platonic, so there wasn’t much to hate about Baekhyun. He was nice and brought a certain happy aura wherever he went. Jongin couldn’t say they were exactly friends though, more like acquaintances.

Jongin offered a small wave to the model as Kyungsoo got to his feet, gathering his book and his cane. “Bye, Jongin,” he murmured before walking over to where Baekhyun waited.

“Wait,” Jongin sat up and grabbed Kyungsoo’s thin wrist. “Are you busy tomorrow?” he asked, eyes twinkling in excitement.

“No? I thought you said you don’t work here on Wednesdays?” Kyungsoo asked, confused.

“I don’t, which is why I want you to meet me after dance practice at the dance studio around the corner. My practice ends at 8, but the studio is open until 9 so.”

“Why?”

“I want to dance with you,” Jongin said enthusiastically. The thought of his arms around Kyungsoo’s smaller waist and guiding him through the footsteps brought him immense glee. It would definitely bring them closer in his mind.

“No,” Kyungsoo scoffed, tugging his hand away. “I’m not dancing.”

“Please?” Jongin begged, pausing to look at Baekhyun who was trying to hide his laughter. “Pretty please, hyung? It’ll be fun, I promise!”

“It sounds ridiculous, so no.” He said, ending the conversation there and walking away.

The blond watched the two older men leave with a pout. What was so bad about dancing? Yes, Kyungsoo was blind, but it would be alright if Jongin guided him in the movements. There were so many cliché romance movies with a cute dancing couple scene in them. Jongin’s teenage girl heart thought it was the perfect idea.

Kyungsoo was a complicated puzzle, and Jongin was desperate to figure him out piece-by-piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa this chapter is kind of poopy but it was mainly just filler until we get to the good stuff c: also call me baby is now coming out on the 30th? people getting me excited for nothing. but im v excited for exodus and the teasers are so good!! chanyeol's is my favorite so far.  
> i dont really have much else to say...  
> give kudos, bookmark, comment! thank you


	4. three

Kyungsoo’s interest in modeling was, in fact, absent.

He hated it, despised it. He didn’t like being touched and prodded by stylists or designers. He didn’t like the pressure, the scandal, and the insults from other models. It was something that was made exactly for people like Baekhyun, but never for someone like Kyungsoo. Not to mention he was blind. Though Kris, the one who begged for him in every shoot, never put him down for it, Kyungsoo knew it was frustrating to work with a model who couldn’t see and pose right unless someone positioned them in just the right way, or with someone who could never focus their eyes properly.

Kyungsoo didn’t like being exposed either. It was as if someone could rip open his chest and see the cold beating heart there and all of his emotions would fly out. It also left him vulnerable to criticism.

It was when Junmyeon, one of the stylists, was helping him out of his last outfit of the shoot that Kyungsoo crumbled.

“…You need to go on a diet,” he stated.

Kyungsoo stopped his movements, pausing. A diet? But why? He’d been fine. He’d been eating fine. He walked around the block everyday with Baekhyun. There was no way. “ _What?_ ”

“This,” Kyungsoo felt a finger prod at the tubby part of his stomach that bulged a little over the edge of his jeans, “has to go.” 

“But…” His lips fumbled. “It’s not even…”

He heard Junmyeon sigh as the older man handed him his sweater. Kyungsoo was quick to slip it on, wanting to hide his torso from view as quick as possible. He bent down to pick up his coat and cane as well, needing to leave as soon as possible. The atmosphere was too heavy, and Junmyeon’s words made him want to puke.

“It’s kind of  _ugly_ , you know? With your stature, it won’t even be considered cute.”

Kyungsoo’s heart thudded heavily in his chest. He felt it plummet into his stomach at those words. He didn’t even know how to react, body tensing and breath hitched as so many memories he’d kept buried underground struggled to climb their way to the surface of his skin.

_“He’d be okay if he wasn’t so chubby.”_

_“He’s so short. He probably hasn’t hit puberty yet.”_

_“I bet he’s lazy because he’s blind, so he eats a lot.”_

_“Do you wonder if he even knows he’s so ugly? Haha!”_

_…_

_“Kyungsoo-oppa looks so pretty now that he’s lost so much weight.”_

_“I thought he was ugly before.”_

As a stinging feeling rushed to the corner of his eyes, Kyungsoo clenched his teeth in anger. His fingernails dug into his palms as he clenched his fists. “Goodbye, Junmyeon,” he said in a level voice, eyes dark and portraying zero emotion. Once Junmyeon opened his mouth to reply, the model fled from the room.

Normally, he would’ve turned to the right and walked the right amount of paces to reach Baekhyun’s dressing room, but Kyungsoo knew he was seconds from shattering. And that was something he never wanted to show Baekhyun or anyone for that matter.

Practically sprinting out of the agency building, he came to a stop, catching his breath in the cold, February air. His skin was quickly littered in goosebumps as he plopped himself down on the staircase, head in his hands.

_You’re ugly. You’re ugly.  You’re ugly. You’re ugly. You’re ugly. You’re ugly. You’re ugly. You’re ugly._

Kyungsoo gritted his teeth, trying to shut the toxic thoughts from his mind. He’d done such a good job up until that point. Ignoring all feelings toward himself and living his life in a numb, icy shell. No one could hurt him, no matter how much he hurt them.

He thought back to his family, back to when Seungsoo was still alive and the cracked relationship his parents had. But everything was still fine then. He had his cotton blanket that kept him safe and warm, breathing life into an otherwise mistaken boy.

What had happened to that old, cotton blanket, he didn’t know.

_“I want you to meet me after dance practice at the dance studio around the corner. My practice ends at 8, but the studio is open until 9 so.”_

Letting out a shuddering breath, he got to his feet without thinking.  He’d walked these streets hundreds of times, only needing his cane just in case. Kyungsoo knew the way to the library and from there to Zhang Dance Studio. He walked at a brisk pace, exposed skin freezing at the dropping temperature. You would think that someone would’ve asked him if he needed help from the panicked expression on his face but no one did. Not that he needed help anyways.

It was when he was just a few steps from the block that the dance studio was on that someone grabbed him by the upper arm. Thinking it was some stranger trying to harm him, Kyungsoo let out a rough “what the fuck” and violently pushed them away.

“It’s me, Kyungsoo!” a familiar voice had him stopping. “It’s Jongin!”

The tenseness in his shoulders suddenly evaporated and Kyungsoo let out a sigh of “oh”. That stinging sensation returned to his eyes, and he took a stuttering step forward towards Jongin.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asked in a concerned tone, taking in Kyungsoo’s paler-than-usual complexion and the watery state of his eyes as he shivered. “You look cold. Let’s go inside, okay?” He knew there was more to it than Kyungsoo just being cold, but he didn’t want to scratch open any healing wounds. Grasping the older man’s hand in his own, he turned around and began leading them towards the dance studio.

However, in moments, Kyungsoo’s hand was ripped away and warmth pressed into Jongin’s back as arms wound around his torso, hands gripping his jacket tightly. The clatter of his walking cane hitting the concrete echoed throughout the space. His eyes went wide, and Jongin whispered out a soft, “Kyungsoo?”

“Just…let me...be quiet, p-please,” Kyungsoo uttered quietly, pressing his forehead to the space just below Jongin’s neck, breathing icy air into the fabric clinging to his back. He didn’t cry but willed the tears away, investing in the warmth Jongin radiated and how irrevocably  _safe_  he felt.

The dancer was confused on what to think, but he kept his curiosity at bay. He stood still, reaching down to grip one of Kyungsoo’s chilly hands in his own, rubbing a thumb over the lines of his palm. Jongin wasn’t sure how long they stood together there, but he could practically hear Kyungsoo’s teeth chattering as he shivered. Without a word, he turned around, tugging off his own scarf and wrapping it around Kyungsoo’s neck. To his surprise, the blind man accepted the treatment and his hands gripped the folds in Jongin’s jacket. Kyungsoo nibbled on his chapped, trembling lips.

“What happened?” Jongin asked quietly, fixing Kyungsoo’s haphazard coat and buttoning it up to keep him warm in the cold. “I can’t imagine that you came just to dance with me,” his lips twitched into a tiny smile.

He could see the hesitation in Kyungsoo’s body language. “I…It was nothing. I was just overwhelmed for a moment. S-Sorry.”

Jongin furrowed his brows in concern. “Hyung, you can tell me anything.”

“Just forget about it, Jongin, please.” Kyungsoo slowly released his grip on Jongin, stuffing his winter-kissed hands into his coat pockets. Jongin thought about asking again, but he could see that the other man was not only freezing, but obviously uncomfortable with whatever had caused him to seek comfort from Jongin. He had to respect that and hope that Kyungsoo would open up and tell him soon enough.

“There’s still an hour before the studio closes,” Jongin said quietly, “we can go in there to warm up, if you want.” He’d been on his way out when bumping into Kyungsoo, but Yixing was still there, doing a few things before closing. Yixing wouldn’t mind letting Jongin close if needed, though a student, he’d known Yixing since he was twelve. They were pretty close.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo mumbled, bending down and feeling for his cane on the sidewalk. However, it had rolled over to the edge of the concrete and was retrieved by Jongin, who handed it to him. “I can get it myself,” he said, though there was no bite to his tone like usual.

“Sorry,” Jongin apologized, knowing Kyungsoo hated getting help. Nonetheless, he hesitantly reached to hold one his hyung’s hands in his own, fingers circling loosely around four of Kyungsoo’s fingers. Over the couple of months of knowing him, Jongin knew Kyungsoo didn’t really like skinship, but he slowly grew to be okay with it the more that Jongin did it.

Giving an experimental tug and a step, he smiled lightly as Kyungsoo followed without a grimace or complaint. When they went inside the dance studio, Jongin looked around from Yixing, finding him in one of the back rooms. The Chinese male was talking on the phone, so he managed to get his attention and then motion to the unlocked dance studio. Understanding his intentions, Yixing smiled and nodded.

“Who was that?” Kyungsoo asked as he was led into the empty dance studio, their steps echoing.

“He’s my dance teacher, Yixing,” Jongin answered, dumping his bag in the corner and doing a simple stretch. “He’s really something else, an amazing dancer.” He grinned. “Oh, you can sit if you want, hyung. I’m just gonna practice.” Jongin walked over to adjust the thermostat on the wall. “Is it warm enough in here?”

“It’s fine,” he said as he plopped down onto the floor.

Kyungsoo nearly jumped as a song began to play but relaxed as he felt Jongin’s footsteps and movements right in front of him. Jongin practiced in front of the mirror, back to Kyungsoo and eyes occasionally trailing from his movements to watching the sitting male behind him in the mirror. He knew Kyungsoo couldn’t see him, but maybe he could feel the energy of Jongin’s dance. It was a solo he had been practicing for a while, for their recital in a month. The dance studio’s recitals always had a large turnout, and he couldn’t be more excited.

Kyungsoo could feel the bass thrum through the room and could feel the energy that Jongin exerted as he danced. He could hear Jongin’s breaths as the tempo picked up and the squeak of his sneakers against the shiny floor. Slowly, he could feel himself smiling, the music and the overall air Jongin gave off comforting him.

Not long after that, the song came to an end, and it was only Jongin’s heavy breathing filling the room. Kyungsoo gave a small clap, knowing the other male had to have given it his all.

Jongin laughed. “Thank you, hyung.” He moved to grab a bottle of water from his bag, taking a long sip before sneakily reaching down to capture Kyungsoo’s wrist and pull him up in a swift movement. His arms snaked around Kyungsoo’s waist to pull him close with a shy smile. “Is this okay?”

Kyungsoo glowered. “I’m not dancing with you, Jongin.”

“Please, hyung?” Jongin begged, just like the day before. “Just one dance, and then we’re done. It’ll be a slow dance, and I’ll guide you the whole time. You don’t even have to move.”

Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed in confusion, he didn’t understand what Jongin was implying.

“Here,” the younger male retreated for the smallest of seconds to fiddle with the stereo before a slow dance song came on. Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s arms twine around his waist again, but this time Jongin lifted him up. The blind male gasped quietly as he felt feet slide underneath his own.

“Jongin, I can move my legs.”

“I know, but this is easier and looked cute in my mind,” Jongin confessed with a cheeky grin, holding one of Kyungsoo’s hands in his own in a fake waltz, supporting Kyungsoo with an arm around his waist as his feet began to move. Kyungsoo’s free hand instantly clung to Jongin’s shoulders as he squeaked.

“Why am I always the victim of your romantic advances?” the raven-haired male sighed, cheeks pink with how close their bodies were, and how he could feel Jongin’s breath brush against his skin.

“Because I like you, Kyungsoo-hyung,” Jongin said, “but I’m starting to think you don’t believe me.”

“I don’t,” Kyungsoo admitted, feeling the other man flinch beneath his fingertips. “I’m not easily convinced, and I don’t trust people.”

“Why not?” Jongin asked.

“Jongin, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“I want to know! Why won’t you let me in?” He demanded, halting his movements and instead staring into Kyungsoo’s dark eyes. “You keep closing me out. Why won’t you trust me, hyung? You won’t even give me a chance to prove myself honest. I understand you’re blind, so maybe—maybe that’s why, but can’t you at least trust me?”

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo moved off of Jongin’s feet, lightly pushing the other male away. He ducked his head and rubbed at his arms. He didn’t reply, and Jongin made no move to speak or touch Kyungsoo, just waiting for something, some answer.

Kyungsoo wanted to trust Jongin, or at least a large part of him wanted to. But a smaller part of him remembered those hurtful words, the period of his life where he was utterly alone, and how he’d somehow managed to convince himself that he was useless without sight and an ugly burden to all. Anytime Jongin had him close, Kyungsoo knew he would inevitably push him away.

But the way he’d been comforted and soothed so easily after the incident at the shoot, Kyungsoo started to think that maybe, maybe he was wrong. Perhaps Jongin was different to him than anyone else.

“I…” Kyungsoo started, lips trembling. He swallowed and forced himself to continue speaking. “When I was nine, my family and I got in a bad car accident. My brother died. I lost my ability to see. My mom was in the hospital for a while and my dad too. My family is…wealthy. My dad is the CEO of D.O. Inc. And I was an only child now, but I was blind, so there was no way I could take over the company. I was practically useless in their eyes, and I had to stay home all day, studying. I wanted to go to school though. I wanted to have friends again. When I was in high school, it wasn’t how I thought.” The rims of Kyungsoo’s eyes filled with tears, and he raised a hand to wipe at them. “I-I was fat and ugly. I couldn’t see, so they all teased me. How could I not believe them? It hasn’t stopped now. I know I’m skinnier. I know I’m paler. I know I wear nice clothes. But even now, they—they still…” He felt pathetic as his voice cracked and tears spilled down his cheeks. It was like he could feel the icy exterior that protected him slowly crack into pitiful pieces before Jongin.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-hyung.”

Kyungsoo was surprised as warmth suddenly enveloped him the form of arms embracing him. His arms that were trapped between their bodies gripped Jongin’s jacket tightly. Gentle fingertips brushed the stray tears from his face, and Jongin spoke up again, “You’re not ugly. Quite the opposite, really.”

It took a few moments for Kyungsoo’s tears to dry up and for him to slowly calm down in Jongin’s arms. He honestly felt a bit better after spilling all of that to Jongin. “How can I just  _believe_  you?” he mumbled.

“You don’t have to,” Jongin gave a small smile, “not right now, at least. I’ll warm you up to the idea.”

“Unbelievable,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, “I bled my heart out to you, and you still want to date me.”

“You just told me all of that to push me away again?” Jongin blinked.

He sighed, sniffling and wiping his puffy eyes. “No, that’s not why. I just wanted you to understand why it’s hard for me to trust you.”

“Wait, so...” the younger male’s demeanor instantly brightened. “You’ll date me, hyung?”

Kyungsoo huffed, hiding his face in Jongin’s chest. “I’m not saying no,” he stated.

The brightest smile ever produced spread onto Jongin’s lips, and his heartbeat rose drastically in excitement and happiness. “Really?”

“You heard me,” Kyungsoo replied, “I’m willing to…try.”

“Okay,” Jongin breathed, unable to calm himself as he hugged the older man tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting there. one step at a time otl. im hoping? that next chapter will be the last. i don't think there will be an epilogue so yeah c:  
> i didn't check this so theres probably some errors my bad.  
> comment, give kudos, and bookmark ty


	5. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: smut

“’...He stood at a standstill, watching as the love of his life crumbled to nothing but dust before him. Grief wracked his soul and tore at his guts. He was the hero, but he had failed to save his love, his everything. Tears slid down his cheeks, and he cried for the first time in his life. Misery caught him...’” Kyungsoo paused in his reading, shoulders stiffening as he felt a weight suddenly settle itself against him.  He could feel soft, warm breaths puff against his neck, following a slow, even rhythm and making a wholehearted feeling pool in his abdomen.

Jongin was asleep. Again.

With a sigh, he placed the bookmark in the novel, closing it and letting it rest in his lap. Kyungsoo reclined against the plush surface of the couch, his hand feeling the velvety fabric they were sitting on. He knew better than to wake up Jongin once he was out. The younger man had been practicing like crazy for a dance recital that his class was hosting. The past three weeks he’d spent more time in the studio than in the library, and Kyungsoo had tagged along towards the evening, when they were both alone.

His fingers trailed along the space between them before moving to lightly lay his hand on Jongin’s leg. A blush rose to his cheeks, but he didn’t relent his touch. Through the jeans he wore, Jongin’s skin was warm and soothed Kyungsoo’s always-icy fingers.

The dancer shifted, releasing a sleepy sigh as he nuzzled further into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. Reaching out, Kyungsoo grasped one of Jongin’s hands in his own, twining their fingers together. Jongin’s hands were just a little bit bigger than his own and calloused from years of whatnot. His nails were still intact, unlike Kyungsoo’s that were always chewed down due to his nervous habit.

His thumb rubbed along the length of Jongin’s pointer finger, feeling the lines there and the bends of his knuckles. The surface of Jongin’s nail was smooth, and Kyungsoo wondered briefly if Jongin was one of those people with naturally pretty hands.

There was a lot to wonder about Jongin. Now that they were dating, Kyungsoo felt as though he should at least  _try_  to get to know him better. And one thing he didn’t know, of course, was what Jongin even looked like. Baekhyun had mentioned several times that Jongin was handsome, but anytime he went into detail, Kyungsoo would shut him up.

Jongin had asked him why he didn’t want to know, and Kyungsoo had answered truthfully. He and the younger man weren’t close then. There was no reason for him to care about what Jongin looked like—not that it mattered now if Jongin was handsome or not. Kyungsoo wouldn’t lie.

He liked Jongin. Jongin was different. He didn’t treat Kyungsoo differently because he was blind and didn’t look down on him either. Jongin was warm and soft, honest and determined to make Kyungsoo smile. And Kyungsoo was slowly warming up to the idea that maybe Jongin didn’t find him ugly.

But a tiny, pessimistic side of him toyed with the thought that Jongin would leave him, or Kyungsoo would push him away without meaning to.

“Kyungsoo?”

He snapped his head up at the whisper, recognizing it as Taeyong, the high school kid who worked in the library with Jongin. “Yes?”

“Um, my shift ends up now so if you could wake up Jongin…” Taeyong replied, voice soft and low as to not wake up Jongin. Kyungsoo could barely hear him as he was still standing by the staircase, so he doubted Jongin would have any chance of waking up.

“I will,” he answered, sliding his hand out from Jongin’s loose grip.

Taeyong let out a shy, cheerful “thanks” before Kyungsoo heard his feet thudding down the staircase once more. And he nearly jumped when a hand held his own once again.

“Why’d you let go?” Jongin mumbled, sounding every bit as tired as he probably was.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks bloomed red, and he moved to slap Jongin, hitting him on the shoulder. “Don’t pretend to sleep, idiot.” He pouted a bit, a little irked that he’d been tricked.

“I was sleeping, but your voice stopped being background sound, so I woke up,” the younger man shrugged, eyes still closed and body radiating heat as he pressed close to Kyungsoo.

“…The only reason I started reading to you was for you to properly listen—“

“I know, I know,” Jongin whined, “I’m tired, hyung, forgive me this once.”

Kyungsoo sighed and halted his complaints. Instead, he focused on the warmth of Jongin’s palm overlapping his own. “What day is your recital?” he asked, toying with Jongin’s pointer finger.

“It’s this Friday,” he answered and then smiled, “do you want to come?”

“I won’t be able to see it. There’s no point, Jongin,” he mumbled quietly, withdrawing his hand and resting it on his own knee instead. Kyungsoo had honestly hoped Jongin wouldn’t invite him. Not because it saddened him that he couldn’t see the performance but because denying the invitation would probably turn Jongin away.

“But, hyung, I want you there,” Jongin frowned. “It doesn’t matter to me if you can’t see it. I just want your support. There’s…There’s a rumor that an SM scouting agent will be there, so I’m really nervous. I have to do well. I want you to be there to cheer me on. Please come? Just for me?”

Kyungsoo stared blankly ahead, as always, but his fingers gripped the fabric of his jeans. “I’ll go then.”

He could hear the excited breath his boyfriend let out and the little happy sound he made. Jongin’s hand gripped his tightly and suddenly something warm pressed against Kyungsoo’s cheek. His eyes went wide as his heart skipped a beat, warmth rushing to the surface of the skin that Jongin kissed. With a flushed face, he touched his cheek once Jongin pulled away.

It was a nostalgic feeling, like when he rubbed that cotton blanket against his cheek long ago.

 

Baekhyun was talking nonstop, as usual, as they walked into the theatre that Jongin’s recital was being held at. The dance studio’s popularity really was no joke as Baekhyun hummed in awe at the slew of people already sitting in the audience. He immediately reached for Kyungsoo’s hand, in a friendly gesture, and helped lead them both to a seat towards the front, at Kyungsoo’s request. Though he usually didn’t like help getting places, Baekhyun was naturally touchy and really only helped when necessary. He didn’t pity his friend. So Kyungsoo didn’t mind it too much.

“The first three rows are filled. Is the fourth okay?” the raven-haired man asked, stopping in the aisle.

Kyungsoo clicked his tongue in annoyance. “I guess. There’s not much of a choice anyways.”

Once they shimmed past a few people, stares thrown at their interlinked hands before the strangers realized the cane in Kyungsoo’s hand, they took a seat in the plush folding chairs. Baekhyun opened the little pamphlet handed to him when he walked in and scanned down the list for Jongin’s name.

He let out a sound of awe and a chuckle. “He has two!  _Emergency_ by Kim Jongin is the seventh performance, and  _Deep Breath_  by Kim Jongin is the twelfth.”

“How many are there?” Kyungsoo asked, surprised that there were even ten.

There’s a pause as Baekhyun counted them. “…Sixteen?”

The younger man groaned, slumping in his chair. He couldn’t believe he actually agreed to coming. There really was no point, in his mind. Kyungsoo could support Jongin after the performance. It only hurt to have to sit through it and not know how beautiful and dazzling he was on stage. It was something that only Baekhyun and the rest of the audience could enjoy, not him.

He guessed the lights had dimmed as Baekhyun made another sound of amazement and the rest of the audience quieted their chatter. He listened as Yixing began to speak, introducing himself and saying a little bit of introductory to the show and its participants. He gave thanks and exited the stage, the audience clapping.

“ _It’s You_  by Oh Sehun is first,” Baekhyun whispered to him, the paper pamphlet crinkling in his hands as he fiddled with it. Kyungsoo nodded. He recalled Jongin mentioning that name a couple of times. Sehun was a friend he had yet to meet.

He didn’t really pay attention to the first six performances, just nodding along to the music. Baekhyun threw in comments here and there, trying to describe the dances in a hushed whisper. Kyungsoo would’ve told him to stop, as it was kind of embarrassing and probably annoying to others, but he was rather curious.

And then it was Jongin’s performance. A sort of sudden, sick feeling built in the pit of Kyungsoo’s stomach as a familiar beat blasted through the theatre.

“Whoa, Kyungsoo, Jongin can really  _dance_.”

“It’s like he’s popping and locking but moving smoothly at the same time.”

“Crotch grab, okay, Jongin. You go, son.”

Baekhyun’s whispers were like static filling Kyungsoo’s ears. He couldn’t focus on the music. Instead, only on a soul-sucking, black emotion that swallowed his heart—the feeling that he didn’t belong here after all. Losing his sight had stopped being a roadblock in his way a long time ago, but Kyungsoo suddenly realized that without it how could he do anything for Jongin? Jongin deserved someone who could see his dancing, compliment it truly, someone who could dance with him and didn’t come with so much emotional baggage.

Kyungsoo felt the stinging feeling in his eyes before he could stop it, and wetness seeped from his eyes, dripping down his cheeks as the audience’s applause filled his ears. He could hear Baekhyun asking if he was alright, and then he couldn’t take it anymore.

He didn’t belong there.

Grabbing his cane, Kyungsoo stood and wiped at his eyes, squeezing past people’s legs before sprinting down the aisle. A sob tore through his throat as he burst out of the theatre.  His feet carried him out of the building completely. The cold air soothed his burning eyes as he collapsed on the brick staircase, burying his face in his arms as he cried. Kyungsoo desperately tried to stop his tears, feeling terrible for running out and causing a scene. Jongin probably saw him.

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun’s voice carried through the glass doors before he ran out. “Kyungsoo…” his voice quieted when he saw the broken state of his friend. Taking a seat next to him, he ran a comforting hand over Kyungsoo’s back. “What’s wrong?”

“I…L-Let’s just go home,” Kyungsoo stuttered, fruitlessly wiping his tears. “I can’t…I just c-can’t do this.”

Baekhyun opened his mouth, wanting to ask further, but he knew when to stop asking when it came to Kyungsoo. He gave a soft smile. “Alright, let’s get you home.”

 

As Jongin slipped off his sweaty wife beater, Kyungsoo’s teary expression ran through his mind. He saw him. He’d seen everything, how his boyfriend had suddenly started crying and ran out of the theatre, Baekhyun following him. At first, Jongin had thought they were happy tears, but it was soon clear to him that that was not the case.

Of course he wanted to go and make sure he was okay, but Jongin still had one more performance and an SM recruiter to impress. Sure, he had already shown one amazing dance, but it would reflect negatively if he didn’t perform his second dance.

Even so, his heart ached at the thought of Kyungsoo crying, no doubt from something Jongin had done. He already knew that Kyungsoo was sensitive to certain thing. Why hadn’t he stopped begging Kyungsoo to attend? Kyungsoo was clearly uncomfortable about attending a recital he couldn’t experience fully.

Biting his lip, Jongin stared at his other outfit, folded up on the vanity in the room. His passion or Kyungsoo?

And then his phone chimed from his bag on the other side of the room.

Baekhyun

_i think kyungsoo needs you. he probably doesn’t want you to see him, but i know he needs you._

There’s an address attached, and Jongin wasted no time in shoving his dance clothes into his duffel bag and changing back into his sweats and hoodie that he came in. Makeup was still smeared on his face, but he didn’t care as he headed for backstage, finding Yixing.

“I can’t perform again,” he quickly said, watching as the Chinese man’s eyes widened.

“Jongin, there’s an SM recruiter out there. I thought you—“

“Kyungsoo, he…” Jongin shook his head. “Kyungsoo needs me. I can’t perform, even if I wanted to.”

Concern strained Yixing’s features, and Jongin knew that he wanted nothing more than to scream at Jongin to get his ass back in gear and go change. But Yixing was much too kind for that and a rather understanding individual. The dance teacher exhaled slowly in a sigh. “Alright, Jongin, if it’s what you need to do.”

He nodded, never feeling surer in his life.

 

Jongin hurried out of the theatre building, bypassing Sehun, who asked what the hell he was doing, and running into the street. He grabbed a taxi, showing the address and asking the elderly taxi driver to step on it. His mind was filled with intense worry as he sat, tense in the back seat.

When he reached what was most likely Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s apartment complex, Jongin thanked the taxi driver, handing him a wad of cash before hightailing it out of the cab. Rushing into the building, he climbed the staircase to the second floor and searched for apartment 612 frantically. Jongin had no idea what was up with Kyungsoo, but he didn’t want things to become worse because he hadn’t come soon enough.

After what seemed like ages, the dancer found the labeled door at the end of the hallway. He rang the buzzer, trepidation speeding up his heart. It took a moment, and Jongin almost raised his hand to knock again before the doorknob turned and the burgundy door opened, revealing Kyungsoo, his face pale, but the rims of his eyes reddened and tear streaks staining his cheeks.

“Who is it?” he asked in a stuffy tone.

“It’s me. I-It’s Jongin,” Jongin replied.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened a fraction, and suddenly the door was slamming shut before Jongin managed to intercept, his wrist suffering as it was pinned between the door and the frame. “Kyungsoo-hyung—“

“Go back, Jongin. I know you’re skipping your performance to check on me, but I’m fine,” he said coldly, hiding his face behind the door. “Y-You need to go back. You’ll miss your chance…”

“No, if I go back I’ll miss  _this_  chance.” Jongin said, leaving no room for argument in his tone. “Hyung, let me in.”

Kyungsoo was quiet but let go of the door, allowing his boyfriend to step inside. Jongin closed the door behind him. The lights were off in most of the house, just a light on in the kitchen to the left of the entryway. It illuminated Kyungsoo’s features, casting shadows on the right of his face.

“Kyungsoo-hyung, what’s wrong? Why did you…Why did you run out?” Jongin asked in a soft tone, wanting to reach out and touch the other man but scared of what his reaction would be.

“I…I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you want to be with me so badly, Jongin.” Kyungsoo’s hands balled into fists, his breath hitching and head tipped down. “I agreed to try going out with you, b-but I don’t think it will work. You should get someone who can support your dancing without having to lie and say it was amazing when they can’t see shit!”

“Kyungsoo—“

“And isn’t it annoying, to deal with someone who can’t trust you? It’s stupid, right? How I always reject you because I’m a sensitive idiot? You always have to explain yourself multiple times because I can’t fucking see!” Kyungsoo shouted, gripping the fabric of Jongin’s hoodie in his hands, tears building in his unseeing eyes. He didn’t understand himself. Never had he felt so insecure, even with Jongin, and it was the first time those thoughts were running through his head. It was as if he kept thinking about all of the terrible possibilities, and they kept building.

Jongin said nothing, just staring wide eyed at a falling apart Kyungsoo. He watched, heartbroken, as tears trickled down the older man’s cheeks. He knew it was for the best to let Kyungsoo let it all out and for him to listen.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo’s frame shook, and he wiped his face on his sleeve. “I-It’s because of me that this is h-happening. If only…I let go of what happened to m-me in the past. I’m sorry, J-Jongin—“

Kyungsoo was interrupted as Jongin suddenly embraced him, hugging him tightly. The warmth he was cocooned in softened his tense, painful posture. His tears slowed down their path but still dripped nonetheless.

“Don’t apologize,” Jongin murmured. “It’s not your fault any of that happened to you, and the bad things people said to you in the past don’t make you who you are at all. It’s okay that it affects you. I don’t blame you.” He closed his eyes and pressed closer to Kyungsoo, wishing he could get rid of all those things, those memories that plagued him. “But, hyung, you have to understand that I like you a lot. So fucking much. That makes it okay if you’re unsure about things or if you’re scared. You can tell me, and I’ll do whatever I can to make it better. It will never be annoying to me. Never. Even if I was just your friend, it would still be the same. And don’t worry about not being able to see me perform, I’ll figure out a way to get you to feel it somehow. If not, then that’s alright. As long as you’re supportive, that’s okay. Nothing about you being blind will change how I feel.” Jongin pulled away, raising his hands to gently wipe away the tear tracks on Kyungsoo’s skin. “Okay? I’ll always be here as long as you want me.”

Silently, Kyungsoo raised shaking hands and surprised Jongin as they were placed upon both of his cheeks. Catching wind of what he was going to do, Jongin’s eyes fluttered shut. Kyungsoo’s small, cold fingers traced across the curve of his cheekbones, down to his defined jawline before moving up to his straight nose. He felt the thickness of his eyebrows next, and then hesitantly stroked a finger around Jongin’s almond-shaped eyes, feeling his soft eyelashes brush against the tip of his digit. He then moved a hand up until he met Jongin’s bangs, lightly grimacing at the rough texture of the bleached hair as he combed his fingers through it, causing a smile from the younger man.

When he rested his hands back on Jongin’s cheeks, the latter rested his own hands over them, keeping them there. And then, with a soft smile, he leaned down to rest his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, noses brushing. “Hyung, I really like you.” _I love you._

Kyungsoo’s lips trembled and his unfocused eyes watered with immense emotion for the umpteenth time. He wasn’t sure how to reply to Jongin’s words, his heart clogged with so many different feelings—the majority of them warm and loving. He could tell that every word Jongin uttered was true; it would just take some time before he could get used to them. There was still one thing he could say though.

“I…like you too,” he mumbled, “a lot.”

There was that excited, puppy-like breath that Jongin always let out, letting Kyungsoo know he was either smiling or grinning as he felt his cheeks pull at the strain beneath his fingertips. And then the small distance between them was crossed as Jongin’s lips pressed against his own, warm and gentle. Kyungsoo’s first kiss.

The palpitation of his heart seemed to grow to a thousand beats per minute as Jongin pulled away before kissing him again, this time moving his lips ever so slightly. Kyungsoo felt his own cheeks grow warm at the contact, something stirring in his stomach as Jongin kissed him again and again. Hands lowered to encircle his waist, and Kyungsoo ran his hands through Jongin’s hair.

He gasped as Jongin spun them around and pressed Kyungsoo’s back against the wall, slipping his tongue inside of his mouth.  Kyungsoo surprised himself by moaning in response, toes curling in his socks as his hands slipped down to grip at Jongin’s shoulders.  A shiver ran down his spine when the kiss was broken, the both of them panting for breath.

Kicking off his shoes, Jongin grasped Kyungsoo’s hand. In his eagerness, he walked down a little hallway to the right of the living room, spotting three other doors. To his surprise, Kyungsoo pushed past him and dragged them both into the room at the end of the hall—his bedroom.

 

“J-Jongin,” Kyungsoo gasped out, toes curling into the sheets as teeth nibbled at the shell of his ear. Hot hands roamed up and down his chest, Jongin embracing him from behind as they both sat, stark naked, on the bed, Kyungsoo sitting between his legs. His neglected erection twitched as Jongin’s hand rubbed at his inner thigh as his lips moved lower to suck at the juncture of Kyungsoo’s neck and shoulder.

There was a certain slow sensuality to Jongin’s movements that had Kyungsoo’s heart beating out of his chest and embarrassing noises escaping his lips. He’d been nervous at first when Jongin had slowly inched him out of their clothing and touched him in places Kyungsoo would’ve never let anyone else near. But to his surprise, the touches didn’t feel overly lustful or perverse. Instead, Kyungsoo felt love and tenderness echo with Jongin’s every movement, and that was what made him squeamish and oversensitive.

“Hyung, you’re so pretty,” Jongin murmured breathlessly. He laughed against Kyungsoo’s skin as he laid his hand on Kyungsoo’s soft stomach. “This is so cute,” he poked the little bit of fat.

“Stop—ah!” Kyungsoo choked back a moan as Jongin suddenly ran a finger up the length of his cock, pressing closer to the older man from behind as he rested his chin on his shoulder. Kyungsoo shivered at the feeling of Jongin’s erection poking him from the back.

“I’m serious, Kyungsoo-hyung,” he said lovingly, kissing at Kyungsoo’s jawline. “You’re handsome no matter what. A little fat doesn’t change anything.” With that being said, his hand fisted Kyungsoo’s dick, stroking up and down slowly. Kyungsoo groaned, leaning back against his boyfriend, sweat dotting his forehead as he struggled not to come.

A hand tugged his chin to the side and then lips slanted over Kyungsoo’s. Distracted by the kiss, he subconsciously began to thrust into Jongin’s fist, hips lifting off the bed slightly. Too soon the pleasure in his hips built up quickly, and Kyungsoo broke the kiss with a gasp of Jongin’s name. His fingers dug into Jongin’s thigh as his back arched and he came all over his chest and Jongin’s hand.

As he basked in the numbing aftermath, posture slumped, Kyungsoo felt Jongin gently turning his body and with a little help, he straddled the younger, sitting on his thighs. “Hyung, can we…go farther?” Jongin shyly asked.

“Farther?” Kyungsoo raised a brow, already feeling a little tired.

“Like…actual sex…” the blond clarified with pink cheeks.

“O-Oh,” Kyungsoo’s already flushed, post-orgasm face turned ten shades darker. There was a tingle in his stomach at that thought, and he slowly nodded. “I-If you want…I just, I don’t…” he closed his mouth, not wanting to make Jongin disappointed.

“Hyung, you have to be honest with me if you’re unsure,” Jongin placed a chaste kiss on Kyungsoo’s pink lips, hands moving to caress his cheeks. “It’s completely fine with me to stop here.”

“It…Won’t it be weird because I can’t see?” he hesitantly said.

“What we just did was good, right?”

“It was for me, but what about you?” Kyungsoo’s head tipped down. He knew that being blind meant that he would have a blank stare all the time, and he knew it would probably be weird to see that while doing something so intimate.

Jongin grinned, unknown by Kyungsoo, before taking one of Kyungsoo’s smaller, paler hands in his own and leading it to his own erected cock. There was a little stuttered gasp from the latter, and Jongin kissed him again as he moved Kyungsoo’s hand up and down his dick, groaning at the feeling of a different grip and texture wrapped around the length. “I’m so hard though, hyung,” he murmured.

Their foreheads touched as Jongin disconnected their lips, looking straight into Kyungsoo’s wide eyes. “Hyung, if it had ever bothered me, I wouldn’t have stuck around you for so long. Your eyes are so pretty. You have big doe eyes, and they’re so cute.” His breathing hitched, causing random pauses as he spoke. Soon Jongin’s hand was tugged away from Kyungsoo’s, and the older man took control, stroking him at a quick pace. He could see how the compliments made Kyungsoo more flustered than the fact that he was currently jacking Jongin off.

“If you really feel that way, then it’s ok,” Kyungsoo mumbled, trying to focus on the hot and heavy feeling of Jongin’s erection in his palm rather than the quick tempo of his heart and the warm feeling in his cheeks.

“Okay, hyung,” Jongin said softly, pulling Kyungsoo’s hand away and flipping them over so that Kyungsoo lied back against the pillows and Jongin sat between his legs. Instantly, the raven-haired male reached out and embraced his lover, tugging Jongin in for a slow, intimate liplock. Warmth pooled in his lower body once more, becoming aroused once more at the feel of Jongin’s skin brushing against his own. He remembered Baekhyun commenting on how tan Jongin was, and how cutely their skin complimented.

His hands slid from Jongin’s shoulders and downward, running his fingers across the length of the younger man’s collarbones. Kyungsoo’s felt the muscles of Jongin’s abdomen, feeling the dip of his bellybutton before the curves of his hipbones.

“What do you think?” Jongin whispered against his lips, grinning.

Kyungsoo slapped his shoulder. “You’re absolutely hideous. I can’t believe it.”

“Haha, so funny,” he moved away for a millisecond. “Um, hyung, do you have like lube and condoms?”

“Yeah, Baekhyun gave them to me,” he blushed. “They’re in the side table thingy.”

“Hyung, you know it’s ok to admit that you masturbate. I mean, we are both naked, and I did get you off earlier,” Jongin snorted, looking over to the bedside table and leaning over. A small bottle of lube and a strip of condoms were buried underneath multiple other things like Kyungsoo had been trying to hide them.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, turning his head to the side.

Leaving the condoms aside, Jongin popped open the lid of the lubrication. He’d gotten quite busy back when he was in high school, especially his second year and before he got serious about dancing. So in no regards was he a virgin. But from the way Kyungsoo was acting, it was somewhat obvious that he was, so Jongin wanted to try to be as gentle and slow as possible.

Spreading Kyungsoo legs, Jongin took his time in prepping him, closing watching Kyungsoo’s expressions. He moaned softly at the first breach of Jongin’s finger, trying to adjust to the odd sensation. But by the time there were three fingers moving in and out of him, Kyungsoo’s hands were tugging at his own hair, voicing his pleasure with cries of “please” and jerking each time Jongin would tease him with a kiss to his cock or sucking a mark into one of his inner thighs.

“J-Jongin, please,” he begged for the hundredth time. “I want it.”

“Okay,” Jongin breathed, removing his fingers and moving up to position himself, the head of his cock brushing up against Kyungsoo’s entrance as he embraced the other man gently.

Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s lips brush against the shell of his ear, and then Jongin began to push inside of him. There was slight pain, even with all of the prep, but Kyungsoo could only focus on the way Jongin sighed as he slid all of the way in. Sweat-dewed fingertips touched the bumps of Kyungsoo’s spine as Jongin held him close, panting in his ear.

“So good, hyung,” he groaned. “Can I move?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo replied breathlessly.

Not a moment later did Jongin begin to make small shallow thrusts into Kyungsoo, the both of them gasping and wanting more.  “Oh god,” Jongin moaned, withdrawing his arms from around his lover and intertwining his fingers with Kyungsoo’s, pressing both hands down onto the mattress on either side of Kyungsoo.

With that, he began to really move, pulling all the way out before sliding all the way in, watching as Kyungsoo’s back arched in response. “Hyung,” he panted, dark hooded eyes watching Kyungsoo’s face change in pleasure, “you’re taking me so good, so pretty.” Jongin licked his lips. “Does it feel good?” he asked before leaning down to take one of Kyungsoo’s perky pink nipples in his mouth.

“Jongin, ah!” Kyungsoo threw his head back, black hair mussed by the pillows. His lips were swollen and shiny, parted as a continuous “ah, ah, ah” escaped with every thrust. His mind felt dizzy with the onslaught of pleasure burning beneath his skin in every place that Jongin touched. “I c-can’t!”

“You gonna come like this?” Jongin murmured breathlessly, pressing wet kisses to Kyungsoo’s jaw.  “Just from this?”

Kyungsoo writhed underneath him, feeling Jongin’s gaze burn into his skin. The tight coil in his stomach was ready to burst, and he bucked his hips up, wanting Jongin to touch his erection. The other man continuously ignored his pleas, only picking up the pace and releasing Kyungsoo’s hands to lift his hips up for a better angle. An electric shock tinged his spine as Jongin managed to hit his prostate, and Kyungsoo clawed at the sheets.

“I-I’m gonna—” Kyungsoo choked out a gasp, unable to warn Jongin before hot spurts of semen decorated their chests as he came.

“H-Hyung,” Jongin moaned lowly as Kyungsoo tightened up, and his thrusts sped up, growing sloppy and quick. He reached to frantically grab the older man’s sweat-slicked palm. Hips stuttering before he came with a gasp of Kyungsoo’s name.

The sounds of their labored breathing filled the room as they slowly came down from their high. Jongin pulled out graciously before lying down to rest his head on Kyungsoo’s chest, hugging his torso. His heart was pounding, and he never felt happier. He hummed lightly as Kyungsoo ran a hand through his hair, combing Jongin’s sweaty bangs back.

“I really like you, Kyungsoo-hyung.”  _I love you._

“I really like you too, Jongin.”  _I love you too._

 

“I’m home!” Jongin called out, shutting the door behind him, pushing extra hard because of the broken lock that he kept forgetting to get fixed. He juggled the box in his hands as he kicked off his shoes. Jongin wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but it was addressed to Kyungsoo and sitting outside of their apartment. The box was pretty big too, only furthering his curiosity.

“You don’t have to yell. I’m always sitting in here,” Kyungsoo answered, sitting on the couch in the living room, feet propped up on the ottoman as he read another novel.

“I know, but it’s very home like, so I always have to say it,” Jongin grinned. “Oh, and I brought in this package for you? It was sitting outside.” Walking into the living room, he pushed Kyungsoo’s feet aside and set the box on the ottoman.

“For me?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed, and he set his book down to investigate. “What’s the address?”

Jongin read it out loud, and Kyungsoo only seemed to get more confused. “I don’t know anyone who lives there. You sure it’s for me?”

“It says ‘to: Do Kyungsoo’ on the box, hyung,” Jongin rolled his eyes. “I can read sometimes you know.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, Jongin.” Kyungsoo got to his feet, touching the box to see how big it was. “Can you go get the scissors or a knife to open it?”

“Here,” the younger man reached on the mantle above the fireplace, grabbing his pocket knife and flicking it open. He sliced open the tape and pried the top flaps apart, blinking as he spotted a bunch of styrofoam peanuts and an envelope sitting on top, Kyungsoo’s name written on it. “It’s a letter.” Picking it up, he handed it to Kyungsoo.

“Let’s hope it’s in braille,” he sighed, picking open the envelope and pulling out the paper. Feeling the surface, Kyungsoo scoffed before handing it to Jongin. “Can you try to read it, for me?”

With a frown, Jongin complied. He usually hated reading out loud because of his dyslexia, but if it was for Kyungsoo, he’d try. When he unfolded the cream paper, he nearly sighed at the short and brief paragraph. At least it wasn’t a full-fledged letter. “Dear, Kyungsoo, we are m-moving out and have t…left to live in the U-United States? Be…Because of this, we are ending—no,  _sending_  you all of your things that you left. Sincerely, mother…and father.” Jongin blinked. What a kind, heartfelt letter. “Hyung…” He looked up, only to be startled as Kyungsoo started digging through the styrofoam to retrieve things.

Kyungsoo pulled out several picture frames (what the pictures were, he’d never know), some old t-shirts, and a few paperback novels in braille before pausing as his hands reached one last thing—the familiar feeling of soft cotton rubbing between his fingertips, only roughed up now after so many years. A soft smile played at his lips as he pulled the old cotton blanket from the box, thumbing the silk edging that managed to stay on.

“What’s that?” Jongin asked. “Your baby blanket?”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply, lifting the blanket to his face and rubbing the fabric against his cheek. It still felt the same, only it didn’t quite soothe him as much as something else. Smiling, he moved closer to Jongin and wrapped the blanket around the taller man’s shoulders.

“It’s nothing,” he answered, hugging Jongin close, much to the latter’s surprise. “You can have it if you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AFTER 10 YEARS.  
> so yeah sorry it took a while to actually produce and publish this thing. if i'm going to tell you honestly, i lost muse for this story after posting the foreword, but i'm a person who can never give up on something. well, a few things. i've already given up on two fics on here otl. anywho, i hope you caught on to why the fuck there was a cotton blanket being mentioned all the time. jongin is meant to be like the cotton blanket that dries kyungsoo's tears and warms up his heart :') that's what i intended anyways.  
> also with the smut....i tried ok. i spent all day writing that when i was supposed to be writing a paper for apush.  
> thank you all for reading this fic! i hope you enjoyed it!  
> kudos, comments, and bookmarks are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little introduction to the story. though this is angst-y the rest of the story will be (for the most part) fluff :> this should be about 3-5 parts long, depending on how long it turns out to be. i already have chapter 1 finished and am working on chapter 2! you can expect chapter 1 to be posted this weekend.  
> also i'm not blind, so if anything here is offensive or incorrect, tell me and i will change it.  
> give kudos, bookmark, and comment! c:


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